In the interest of a) proving that I'm still alive, and b) proving how little I really know about football, I'm publishing the picks I had made for this season* and comparing them to how things actually happened. I even came up with a little scoring system: 2 points for a correct division champion, 1 point for any other correct pick, 0 for an incorrect pick, -2 for any first place pick that finished last or vice versa. A perfect score would be 40 points. (16 for the division champs, 24 for the remaining teams.)

During the struggle, they will pull us down
But please, please, let’s use this chance to turn things around
And tonight, we can truly say
Together, we’re invincible
“Invincible”, Muse

Everybody’s doin’ the Bucci! Why not me?

The NHL season begins in earnest tonight, after the Kings and Ducks split a “home-and-home” 8 time zones away from home over the weekend. Doesn’t quite have the same impact as the 15-game “big bang” opening night two years ago, does it?

Once again, it’s time to sharpen the skates, tape up the sticks, put on the foil, and hit the ice. It’s also time for hack columnists to blow the dust off their Big Book of Hockey Clichés, for ESPN to bury the highlights at the end of SportsCenter, and for an endless barrage of “hoc-key?” jokes.

We know better, of course. We know that what we have, while it’s not perfect, is way better than everybody else thinks it is. All we need is a chance to show them what they’re missing.

If the Kings/Ducks London games didn’t give me any unfair insight into how this season will unfold, I doubt the Ducks/Red Wings game I’ll be watching will either, but it will put me in the right frame of mind to foolishly attempt to prognosticate the end result of 2,460 games worth of regular season.

Oh, and I’ll go ahead and throw in a quickie assessment of each team’s new uniforms while I’m at it.

East

Draft-ready

Boston: I think the Bruins figured poaching a player from Minnesota was some kind of magic bullet. Look at how David Ortiz worked out for the Red Sox. Randy Moss is back in his Vikings-era prime after an exile to Oakland. And the arrival of Kevin Garnett has the Celtics faithful more energized that any pre-season in recent memory. Anybody here think Manny Fernandez will have that kind of impact for the B’s? Didn’t think so. (Uniforms: Beautiful, classic look.)

Atlanta: I think they’re going to back-slide from last year, when they fell up to the Southeast title. (Uniforms: They kept the one thing nobody liked: The numberless “ATLANTA” sleeve on the home blues.)

NY Islanders: They couldn’t keep rent-a-leader Ryan Smyth. They couldn’t keep Jason Blake. But they still have 14 years to go on Rick DiPietro’s contract. Good luck with that. (Uniforms: Blue-trimmed traffic cones. Eyesores.)

In The Hunt

Florida: An example of addition by front-office subtraction. They’ll be better if only because former GM Mike Keenan is no longer associated with the franchise. The acquisition of Tomas Vokoun from Nashville will help ease the pain of trading away Roberto Luongo before last season. (Uniforms: The sleeve stripes need to go all the way around, guys. Ruins an otherwise good design.)

Philadelphia: The Flyers can’t help but be an improved team after leaving a smoking crater in Philadelphia last year. Daniel Briere alone can push them near the playoffs, and the brace of young players picked up from Nashville will add some of the speed the Flyers lacked last year. They still need a season to pull it all together, though. (Uniforms: The road whites look like wife-beaters.)

Tampa: For as great as Vincent LeCavalier and Martin St. Louis are together, they can’t make up for the goaltending duo of Marc Denis and Johan Holmqvist. (Uniforms: Cleaner logo, similar design, and they kept the armpit “victory” stripes. Not bad.)

Toronto: The make-up of this year’s Leafs squad won’t allow them to do much more than hang around all season. (Uniforms: The definition of “plain.”)

Playoff Bound

Buffalo: The Sabres are hoping that they have enough scoring depth to make up for the loss of Daniel Briere and Chris Drury in free agency. They’ll be banking on Thomas Vanek to make up most of the difference. He’s making up plenty of the payroll, thanks to the offer sheet from Edmonton GM Kevin Lowe. (Uniforms: Same as last year, which means ugly.)

Carolina: The Southeast isn’t known for producing powerhouse teams. In this division, it’s more about consistency than domination. I think the Hurricanes will be the least inconsistent of the lot. (Uniforms: A tweak of the old design. Nicely done.)

Montreal: Every season, there’s a team that’s so full of youthful exuberance, they can make the playoffs on energy alone. Montreal can be that team. Top-tier goalie prospect Carey Price will start the year with the Habs, and could get a shot if Cristobal Huet’s hamstring troubles come back. (Uniforms: Exactly what you would expect them to be.)

New Jersey: Brent Sutter is the new replaceable part on the Devils bench. Martin Brodeur is Martin Brodeur. That’s the good news. Scott Gomez is a Blue-shirt. Brian Rafalski is a Red Wing. That’s very bad news. They’ll make the playoffs, as they do every year. But will they sell out the new Prudential Center? (Uniforms: Same as last year. Same as every year since they dropped the Christmas green.)

Washington: Yeah, I said it. With Michael Nylander, Viktor Kozlov, and first round draft pick Nicklas Backstrom, the Caps are building the supporting cast Alexander Ovechkin needs to lead them back to the ranks of the elite. (Uniforms: Red, white, and blue good. Vertical piping bad.)

The Contenders

NY Rangers: “The best defense is a good offense,” as the saying goes. For the boys from Manhattan, it had better be. The Rangers did nothing to improve their blue line, but adding Gomez and Drury to an already potent scoring attack will put them right on the brink. Look for Henrik Lundqvist to have a breakout season. (Uniforms: Another Original Six team holds to tradition.)

Ottawa: There was nothing wrong with the roster for the Senators last year. Their ultimate failing in the Finals was about experience and heart, not matchups. They’ll learn from that, and be right back at the top of the league again. (Uniforms: Sharper logo, lots and lots of red, nice typography.)

Pittsburgh: Last year, the Pens broke out, as their young superstars accelerated their progress. This year, the expectations are far higher, and that may mean a rougher go through the regular season. The team’s leadership, young and old, will lift them to the top of the conference. (Uniforms: Growing on me. The home blacks look intimidating, emphasizing the shoulders. Odd stripes on the pants, though.)

West

Draft-ready

Columbus: Ken Hitchcock is an excellent teacher. He’ll coach this team farther than most people will expect them to go. But for every star like Rick Nash, there’s an utter enigma like Nikolai Zherdev. They still have too much building to do. (Uniforms: Last year’s thirds, without the black, and with the flying Ohio flag logo in place of that lame CBJ monogram. Nice.)

Edmonton: No more Smyth, one year after “No more Pronger.” The future begins now, as the team rebuilds around top draft pick Sam Gagner. (Uniforms: More like practice jerseys, but with Florida’s half-way sleeve stripes. Ugh.)

Los Angeles: Jason LaBarbara and eighteen year old Jonathan Bernier. That’s the goaltending tandem this year for the Kings. They probably bottomed out last year. Their youth movement, led by Anze Kopitar, Jack Johnson, and Alexander Frolov, needs another year or so before they’ll contend again. (Uniforms: Close to last year, complete with wordmark hem “stripe.”)

Phoenix: Their roster looks like a Who’s Who of NHL Castoffs. Look for them to hit rock bottom this year. (Uniforms: The one thing the Desert Dogs have going for them. Clean, simple.)

In The Hunt

Chicago: Another Central team banking on youth, especially Jonathan Toews and overall #1 draft pick Patrick Kane. Unlike the Blues, the Blackhawks will rise and fall on the goaltending of Nikolai Khabibulin and Patrick Lalime. (Uniforms: Why mess with perfection?)

St. Louis: The Blues have an intriguing mix of young guns with potential (Lee Stempniak, Erik Johnson, Hannu Toivonen) and cagey veterans (Keith Tkachuk, Paul Kariya, Doug Weight). They’ll only go as far as the young guns will take them, though. They’re still missing pieces here and there. (Uniforms: Unremarkably modern.)

Vancouver: Roberto Luongo has gone from playing behind a team with no defense in Florida to a team with no offense in Vancouver. The Canucks did nothing to improve their scoring depth, so it’s up to the Sedin twins to carry the team. British Columbia is in for a rude awakening. (Uniforms: VANCOUVER! I like the return to blue and green, but the text above the crest is a step too far.)

Playoff Bound

Calgary: If nothing else, Iron Mike Keenan will put a halt to the ugly play we saw in last year’s playoffs. And Miikka Kiprusoff will improve anybody’s chances. (Uniforms: They still insist on the infamous Black C. The Alberta flag shoulder patch, patriotic as it is, clashes horribly.)

Colorado: Don’t call it a comeback. Call it a team that can rally around Smytty and Joe Sakic with rising stars like Paul Stastny and Wojtek Wolski. Their Achilles heel may be goaltending, with Jose Theodore looking like a bust, and Peter Budaj yet to prove himself over a full season. (Uniforms: Where are the mountain range hem stripes?)

Dallas: The Stars just keep rollin’ along, year after year, the very model of consistency. (Uniforms: I’ll go out on a limb and say I like the college-inspired home jerseys, with the “Dallas” text and the number beneath.)

Minnesota: Surprise! The Wild could easily bore teams into giving them 100 points, but they’re more balanced than their reputation would indicate. Besides, if I don’t say that, Derek Boogaard will hunt me down and kill me. (Uniforms: The old third is the new home, which is nice, but they kept the old roads. I was hoping they’d adapt the home design.)

Nashville: The ownership instability during this off season caused a bit of a fire sale, so the Predators will go back to being the first team that’s not Detroit in the Central. (Uniforms: Too much piping, but the lack of hideous mustard yellow is a welcome development.)

The Contenders

Anaheim: You don’t ever count out the defending Stanley Cup champions. As much as I like Teemu Selanne and Scott Niedermayer, I’m almost hoping they don’t come back, because this team can learn to win without them. The Ducks won’t be quite as strong as last year, but Ilya Bryzgalov can hold the fort until Jean-Sebastien Giguere is healthy. (Uniforms: The hem stripes don’t wrap all the way around. They break under the arms. Odd, but probably necessary with all the seams in the new cut.)

Detroit: The Wings just keep making smart moves to bolster their lineup, like signing Brian Rafalski. They’re also well stocked with players who redefine “ageless”: Chelios, Hasek, Lidstrom, Holmstrom, Maltby, and Draper. (Uniforms: Classic.)

San Jose: The Sharks have three pretty good lines. They also have a line of Jonathan Cheechoo, Joe Thornton, and… well, does it really matter? The Sharks’ balanced game plan keeps getting better every year, and Evgeni Nabokov and Dmitri Patzold continue the tradition of solid, deep goaltending. (Uniforms: The new logo and orange accents look great, and the new design is timeless when everybody else went for fancy.)

Playoffs

East: Pittsburgh over Ottawa

West: San Jose over Detroit

Stanley Cup: Pittsburgh over San Jose. Not that I’m a homer or anything.

Is this what Bruce Arena was thinking when he saw "Italy, Czech Republic, Ghana, United States"?

I went and submitted an entry in the Ladies... Hot Blogger Bracket. I now find myself in the AFC North regional, looking up at Sports Gone South, and wondering what I've gotten myself into. I will never pick on a mid-major again. (I still reserve the right to ridicule the Play-In Game, if only for it's undying loyalty to Dayton, OH.)

It could be worse. The other #1 seeds are Deadspin, Dan Shanoff, and EDSBS.

But it would be foolish to look ahead. Right now, I have to take this one game (and overworked cliche) at a time. My first round match: Brien at East Coast Bias.

UFC live-blogging? Seriously? I can't lose to mixed martial arts! No way. Not happening.

Vote early, vote often. VOTE VINNY!

Since my West picks were dead on in the first round, I feel compelled to stick with them, although my reasoning may have changed.

East

#1 Buffalo vs. #6 NY Rangers
We know the Rangers will be well-rested, having pulled off the only sweep of the first round. I wouldn't worry about the Rangers not being up to speed. They earned that sweep by overwhelming the Thrashers. That said, they're running into a much tougher opponent in the Sabres. If Buffalo gets an aggressive forecheck going, they can force the Rangers' somewhat soft defense into taking penalties. I think the Rangers will have enough discipline and offensive punch to push the Sabres to the limit, but Ryan Miller will steal the series in the end.

Prediction
Sabres in 7

#2 New Jersey vs. #4 Ottawa
Can the Senators keep up the edgy game that threw the Penguins off stride? That's a tougher sell against a Devils team that can absorb a lot of punishment. Somewhere along the way, though, I have to believe that Lou Lamoriello's ego-trip firing of Claude Julien will come back to bite him, and I think this round will be it.

Prediction
Senators in 6

West

#1 Detroit vs. #5 San Jose
Calgary left the Red Wings bruised and bloodied. Tomas Holmstrom will miss some time as he recovers from an eye injury, and Brett Lebda is still feeling Daymond Langkow's sucker punch, so he's out with post-concussion symptoms. San Jose is a little hung over from their physical series with Nashville, but not as bad as Detroit. Besides, I can't pick the Red Wings to get out of the 2nd round until they do. I've been burned too many times since Scotty Bowman retired.

Prediction
Sharks in 6

#2 Anaheim vs. #3 Vancouver
Teemu Selanne, allow me to introduce to you Roberto Luongo, Playoff Goaltender. You say you've met Luongo already? That was Regular Season Goaltender. This is Playoff Goaltender. He's better. Wrist shots off the mask don't scare him. He shrugged off net-crashing Dallas forwards. He even owned the Stars in barely broken in pads that match the Canucks' retro uniforms. You think you can beat that? Good luck.

Prediction
Canucks in 5

I fall back on the old Tuesday Morning Quarterback joke: All predictions wrong, or your money back.

Round 1: East

#1 Buffalo vs. #8 NY Islanders

Last 10

BUF: 7-3-0, NYI: 6-3-1

Head-to-head

Sabres, 3-1

Anaheim taught me never to underestimate an 8-seed. Having seen these two teams in action all season… the number of games Buffalo needs to dispatch the Isles will depend on the results of neurological tests Rick “15 Years?!” DiPietro will undergo. If DiPietro’s concussion symptoms are gone, and he is cleared to play, his goaltending will give the Islanders a chance at respectability. Otherwise, Mike Dunham Wade Dubielewicz will be victimized by Buffalo’s high-powered offensive barrage.

Prediction

Sabres in 6 if DiPietro plays, 4 if he doesn’t.

#2 New Jersey vs. #7 Tampa Bay

Last 10

NJD: 6-3-1, TBL: 5-4-1

Head-to-head

Lightning, 3-1

If you look at this series on paper, it looks like a walk-over for the Devils. They have just enough scoring to make the stifling defense and All-Universe goaltending of Martin Brodeur stand up. Yet Tampa Bay won the season series. In their last two wins over New Jersey, the Lightning held the Devils to one goal per game. This series may come down to who prevails: Brodeur, or the dynamic duo of Vincent LeCavalier and Martin St. Louis. Given what Tampa Bay did in the regular season, I’m going to give them a slight edge here.

Prediction

Lightning in 7.

#3 Atlanta vs. #6 NY Rangers

Last 10

ATL: 6-3-1, NYR: 7-2-1

Head-to-head

Thrashers, 3-1

This is a battle of underachievers. The Thrashers climbed out of the Southeast, the weakest division in the league this year. Atlanta got a late season boost from trades that brought Keith Tkachuk and Alexei Zhitnik. That gave them enough to hold off Tampa Bay down the stretch. Meanwhile, the Rangers were expected to be the class of the Atlantic, based on their stretch run last year. They didn’t live up. Henrik Lundqvist got off to a rough start this year, and the defense stagnated at best. Offense is never a problem when you have a healthy Jaromir Jagr, Michael Nylander, Brendan Shanahan, and Martin Straka. The Rangers have Shanahan back from a nasty face-first collision with the Flyers’ Mike Knuble, so they have the sort of veteran leadership Jagr has always been reluctant to provide. Ultimately, I think Kari Lehtonen will be the better goaltender, but the Rangers will be the better team.

Prediction

Rangers in 6.

#4 Ottawa vs. #5 Pittsburgh

Last 10

OTT: 6-2-2, PIT: 6-3-1

Head-to-head

Penguins, 3-1

These teams finished the regular season tied in points, with the Senators winning the tiebreaker with one more win. Both teams feature young, up-and-coming goalies, adequate blueliners, explosive offenses, and plenty of “team toughness.” (That means Georges Laraque and Brian McGrattan will throw down before it’s all over.) This will easily be the most hotly-contested matchup of the first round. The difference will be in the intangibles. Ottawa has high expectations every year, and have become notorious for early flame-outs in the playoffs. The scapegoats change, but the song remains the same. Pittsburgh, on the other hand, has been playing with fearless bravado since January. The “Cardiac Kids” nickname stopped being funny when one of those last-second game-tying goals actually gave a Leafs fan a heart attack a few weeks ago. But the name is still appropriate. In the last regular-season meeting between the Pens and Sens, Maxime Talbot scored the game-winning goal with 8.9 seconds remaining in the third period. The longer this series go on, the more pressure shifts to the Senators. I think it will break them.

Prediction

Penguins in 7. 

Round 1: West

#1 Detroit vs. #8 Calgary

Last 10

DET: 5-1-4, CGY: 6-4-0

Head-to-head

Tied 2-2

Red Wings hockey is like Kansas Jayhawk basketball. You know they did a convincing job in the regular season, and you know they’re going to hit the wall in the post-season. It’s only a matter of when. Calgary, on the other hand, had to hang on for dear life against a Colorado team that barely missed the playoffs. (This is the Avalanche’s first missed post-season since their last season in Quebec, by the way.) I just don’t think the Flames have anything left in the tank for the playoffs, so the inevitable Red Wings wasted #1 seed will have to wait for a round.

Prediction

Red Wings in 5.

#2 Anaheim vs. #7 Minnesota

Last 10

ANA: 5-3-2, MIN: 7-2-1

Head-to-head

Tied 2-2

Minnesota’s insistence on playing the neutral zone trap makes it painful for me to even consider the possibility that it can contain the Ducks. George Parros should pound the snot out of every Wild skater, just on principle.

Prediction

Ducks in 5.

#3 Vancouver vs. #6 Dallas

Last 10

VAN: 6-3-1, DAL: 7-1-2

Head-to-head

Tied 2-2

Until the last day of the season, these two teams had identical records. All four of their regular season meetings ended with 2-1 scores. The Stars won one in overtime, and the Canucks won a shootout. Excuse me while I fetch a quarter. Heads, Vancouver. Tails, Dallas.

Prediction

Heads. Canucks in 7.

#4 Nashville vs. # 5 San Jose

Last 10

NSH: 5-3-2, SJS: 7-1-2

Head-to-head

Predators, 3-1

On this one, I have to go against the regular season record. As much as I like what the Preds have done this season, I just don’t see how they can get past the Sharks. Joe Thornton is making a habit of going on late-season scoring binges, and he ought to carry it through to the playoffs this year. The addition of Bill Guerin at the trading deadline has added even more scoring punch to the San Jose attack. The high-profile trade for Peter Forsberg, on the other hand, has proven to be only OK for Nashville. Foppa scored 2 goals and 13 assists in 17 games. He’ll have to pick up the scoring pace a bit for the Predators to make the second round for the first time.

Prediction

Sharks in 6.

Round 2: East

#1 Buffalo vs. #7 Tampa Bay

These two teams are built on similar lines, but the Sabres are just a little bit better than the Lightning at pretty much anything you can name.

Prediction

Sabres in 5.

#5 Pittsburgh vs. #6 NY Rangers

Ooh, division rivalry! There are Pens fans who, to this day, curse the name Adam Graves. With one 2.8 second overtime exception (Straka!), the Pens had the upper hand in the regular season.

Prediction

Penguins in 6.

Round 2: West

#1 Detroit vs. #5 San Jose

Uh, oh. The ever-dreaded Red Wings vs. Sharks matchup. I think we all know how this ends.

Prediction

Sharks in 6.

#2 Anaheim vs. #3 Vancouver

Roberto Luongo has toiled in Floridian exile for years. This is his time, now.

Prediction

Vancouver in 5.

Eastern Conference Finals

#1 Buffalo vs. #5 Pittsburgh

The Penguins look an awful lot like last year’s Sabres: Too young to realize that they’re too young to make it this far. Buffalo isn’t too young anymore.

Prediction

Sabres in 5.

Western Conference Finals

#3 Vancouver vs. #5 San Jose

Luongo is going to have to steal a series one of these days. I think he’ll steal this one.

Prediction

Canucks in 7.

Stanley Cup Finals

Buffalo vs. Vancouver

Long-suffering Buffalo sports fans, suffer no longer. It is time to pass your curse on to long-suffering Canucks fans.

Prediction

Sabres in 6.